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I owe you a big THANK YOU. . . you were instrumental in helping me get engaged to a wonderful man by keeping me focused on the right things. I would definitely recommend your professional help to others.
-- Angie[Click here to read more]
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Lots of good commentary on my article "The Inside & Outside of Male-Female Friendship." This encouraged me to check out how the characters Harry & Sally configured friendship and sex from the movie "When Harry Met Sally. . ." Here's what they came up with:
"Harry: You realize of course that we can never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is... and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form, is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true, I have a number of men friends and there's is no sex involved.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman he finds attractive, he always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds
unattractive?
Harry: Nuh, you pretty much wanna nail 'em too.
Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?
Harry: Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there so the
friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally: Well I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry: Guess not.
Sally: That's too bad. You are the only person I knew in New York."
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I'm not sure if it works both ways though. Allyson, in her question to me, wanted to know if she could still be friends with her ex after they've already had a sexual relationship. I said "no," it's not a good idea to be "friends" after a break-up because some of your energies are still connected to the ex. But Harry and Sally were just meeting and discussing a potential male-female friendship without having had sex. I think that it may be possible to be friends with a member of the opposite sex if there hadn't been any previous physical involvement, but it's still difficult. Harry actually said it's impossible. But perhaps a future posting could discuss how and when a platonic relationship is possible and can work. Stay tuned.
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Posted by: Janice on Thursday, June 09, 2005 - 03:14 AM
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