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But there are other signs that singles pay attention to while dating, ones that are not so obvious. These are the signs singles wear on their shirts that communicate valuable information about their personalities, their attitudes about themselves and others and, especially, announces their willingness to be approached and to connect with.

Cindy was encouraged by a married friend to go to a weekly religious service where she heard many singles attended. The married friend offered to accompany her to ease the way, intending to introduce Cindy to people to get her started. It was customary for the singles to socialize over refreshments after services, and while Cindy and her married friend moved about the room, Cindy walked with her head down, took little steps, and hardly broke a smile. When she encountered or was introduced to someone new, she spoke softly and hesitatingly. Soon after getting something to eat, Cindy asked to leave.

If Cindy could see it, she would recognize the sign she was wearing on her shirt said, “I’m scared. Don’t come near me.”

Jack met Julie on an online dating website, noting they had attended from the same ivy league school. After a few emails, they graduated to talking on the phone. Since Jack was soon to leave on a business trip, he asked Julie to meet in person the next day, even though Julie preferred to talk more on the phone beforehand. Jack dismissed Julie’s hesitation, and she reluctantly agreed to meet Jack for a drink. They instantly recognized each other from their pictures and Jack ordered a bottle of wine for the two of them to share. He then began a monologue about his knowledge of the wine they were drinking, the physical therapy he was receiving for his recent shoulder injury from playing softball, and his bad experiences meeting women from the website.

If Jack could see it, he would recognize the sign he was wearing on his shirt said, “I’m more interested in myself than in you. You don’t matter.”

Click here to read: But She's My Best Friend!.

A. is a very loyal, bright, honest, generous, person and though now it is obvious he's not perfect, I know the important stuff is there. He has a very nice, normal family who are loving and laugh a lot. . . . So thank you and I hope you enjoyed the good news! M.

Yes M., I'm so happy for you! I remember you were extremely frustrated in your search for a life partner relationship, and you were very receptive to working on yourself in order to be a better person, and therefore a better partner. And it worked! Congrats and keep me informed!

Because what bothers you about them, might really be about you.

Sure, you say you have to be with someone who values punctuality as much as you do because you've worked so hard on it. And all of those little piles of papers and magazines in your apartment? Well, you've developed an intricate system that keeps them from growing any bigger. So how could you be with someone who doesn't make these same things as much of a priority?

The truth is, everyone has limitations that have to be dealt with. We manage our "inner slob" by working hard to keep clutter at bay and maintaining our organization strategies. We control our "inner grouch" by not showing our irritation when confronted with inattentive waiters or careless drivers. So why does it make someone else "rejectable" if they aren't as on top of their own inner slob or inner grouch as you?

I believe that the problem is actually about the acceptance and tolerance of one's own imperfections and limitations. That's right. I say "one's own" because that's what this is really about -- not accepting your own inner slob or grouch to the extent that it's actually okay for someone else to be messy or grouchy. Rejecting someone on the basis of these little things is especially harmful when the person you're dating is actually a kind, considerate, generous, honest, and trustworthy person. And you're rejecting him because he gets impatient with a slow cashier? Or ending the relationship because she's always losing her keys?

A tremendous amount of my interview was cut and I only made one quote, which is practically at the end of the article. So read it thoroughly and post some pithy comment about how insightful and helpful I was! Click here: How to Date Your Opposite.

What do I mean by these distinctions?

Wanting a "playmate" is another way of saying that someone only wants to date for "recreational reasons." For example, if it's a man I'm working with, and he tells me that he is not interested in a commitment, then I know he is only in the relationship for gratification in the present. In this situation, singles looking for a playmate will typically stay in the relationship as long as it's fun. Once it gets complicated or someone is unhappy, they are out the door.

Wanting a "companion" is a step up from having a "playmate."

I read a “tweet” on Twitter the other day stating “Unconditional love is given by dogs & sought by children. Adults get what they get.” I was immediately prompted to “tweet” back, “Love is never unconditional. It should always be conditioned on respect, caring, loyalty, & making sure you get it back in return.”

When I talk with singles who are frustrated in their search for a committed relationship, the demand for “unconditional love” frequently comes up. “All I want is for her to love me as I am,” a 40-year-old single man recently told me. So while I believe everyone certainly deserves to be loved, I believe it unreasonable to expect that another adult will love you without any conditions. That’s because the creation of an intimate adult relationship requires both parties to understand and adapt to each other’s differences.

As I responded to the question “Isn't there someone out there who'll love and accept me unconditionally?" in my article on the Law of Attraction, I say "Yes, and that would be your mother." Or, as the “tweeter” above observed, unconditional love is given by dogs and sought by children.

Dear Kristine, At this point, is honestly looks like the two of you are having a long distance relationship. The question is, is this the kind of relationship you want, regardless of geography? Because if you're afraid of talking about your feelings and your goals together, then how DO you define your relationship? No wonder you're confused!

Apparently, you are following some "rules." You say, "I think he should bring it up." But if he isn't, then what do you think that's telling you? However, you say "a man will never bring that kind of stuff up," which I hear as another rule. Unfortunately, I'm not so sure I agree with either of them.

Dear Molly, Your situation is not so uncommon these days with so many people working long hours. Many are doing so in order to keep their jobs in this economy, so deciding to work less is often a difficult decision. It's understandable that you would be concerned about his ability to be more committed to you and your relationship if he continues to work "long varied hours." This is not an easy question to answer, but I do think I can provide some insight that will be helpful to you.

First of all, it's important that you let him know that you respect him and his work ethic. I have heard men complain that women don't truly understand their drive to be successful and ultimately, financially secure. And on top of feeling misunderstood, they also tend to feel unappreciated. So I suggest you let your boyfriend know that you love him, and that you appreciate all that he is doing to support his family.

[ Results | Polls ]

Votes: 98

• Saturday, July 18
• Should we stay best friends or should I try to be her boyfriend?
• Tuesday, July 07
• The Top Ten Questions to Ask a Potential Life Partner
• Wednesday, July 01
• Best tips to avoid online *pseudo-intimacy*
• Saturday, June 20
• Does she love me if she's still living with her ex?
• Tuesday, June 02
• He talks a lot about a future, but how do I know he's not a deceiver?
• Saturday, May 23
• What should I do about my boyfriend's impossible mother?
• Wednesday, May 20
• Should I tell a guy who's a million miles away how I feel?
• Friday, March 27
• When can I date my father's doctor?
• Tuesday, February 03
• She says she needs time, but how can I speed up the process?
• Thursday, January 22
• Did I blow it by not showing him I was interested?