A lot of the male profiles that I see on sites for singles say that they seek female partners who are “thin.” As I am a full figured woman coming to terms with my weight, how can I find a man (online or off) who will accept me or overlook my size and find other reasons to want to be with me?

You have bravely brought up an issue that concern many, many singles – their “packaging.” Men and women looking for a life partner will have a shopping list of what they’re looking for, with “must be attractive” at the top. Unfortunately, in this day and age, “thin” is the preferred package. So while your question asks “how do I find a man who will accept me?” you brought up a more essential point when you said that you are “full-figured” and “coming to terms with my weight.”

Are you saying that you’re actually “overweight?” If you are within normal medical weight ranges for your height, while you may not be thin, you are considered healthy. But if you exceed these medical ranges, it’s important to look at WHY you are overweight.

Might it be the result of a medical problem that still hasn’t been resolved? Or is it a manifestation of your desire to gratify yourself whenever you please? Have you really tried to make yourself a priority to make healthier food and activity choices? Or are you sad and unhappy and finding solace with food? Are you taking care of yourself in other ways to make yourself as attractive as possible, given your weight? Or are you neglecting yourself altogether, yet still expecting other people to accept you, as is?

While you’re figuring out the answers to those questions, and implementing the solutions, I can give you a key dating suggestion: when you meet a man online, or over the phone, work on communicating with each other in order to see if you can make a meaningful connection before you meet. If you make a “spiritual” connection, one that focuses on appreciating each other’s enduring qualities, there is a greater chance that each of you may overlook the personal preference for thin, a full head of hair, etc.

Please remember however, that the more you are able to accept yourself first, the more attractive you will be in the eyes of another.

I am a divorced man with three children whom I am actively co-parenting with my ex-wife. I recently re-entered the dating scene, but am confused about what to look for now since, as a father, my circumstances are different than they were when I dated prior to my marriage. What should I be looking for in a wife now?

I commend you for continuing to be an active father in your children’s lives even though you are no longer married to their mother. I realize that co-parenting under these circumstances is challenging, but your children will definitely benefit from your continued involvement.

Yes, your circumstances are different now, and the women that are available to you are different too. As a father already, it’s important that you decide whether or not you want to have more children with a new wife, and that whatever you decide, you should communicate that desire to whomever you date. A divorced woman who also has children may make a suitable candidate for you, as you could have a lot in common being single parents. Blending families can be challenging, but also very rewarding, as well as stabilizing, for children and adults who have experienced divorce.

What I think is most important however, is that you seek to marry a woman who has the enduring qualities of kindness and generosity. Truth be told, she really must love children. And in order to be an effective step-parent to your children, she should be willing to learn each of your children’s personalities, likes and dislikes. If she doesn’t have children of her own, she could benefit from studying child development books and other child-rearing materials.

A single who agrees to date someone with children also has to be prepared to share. Singles, especially those without children, should prepare themselves for dating someone who does. But for now, be sure that the women you date are able to accept that your relationship with your children is a priority, and even encourage and support your efforts to father them.

I realize that this is a tall order to fill when it comes to looking for a wife. Support is key, so please let me know how it goes. I wish you much luck and success!