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Janice
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Post subject: Is this a case of "settling for less?"
 Posted: Jul 01, 2004 - 03:40 AM
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Site Admin
Joined: Mar 19, 2004
Posts: 276
Location: New York City
Status: Offline
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George feels comfortable and happy when he is with Julia, and sees himself having a future with her, IF ONLY she would be more intellectually stimulating. He has made subtle references about this to her on their dates, and has taken her to museums and plays that he thought would evoke some thoughtful discussion. George has a keen interest in current events and looks forward to reading the newspapers every morning. He has tried to interest Julia in discussing the news with him, but this has not worked out the way he?d like. On the other hand, they share similar family backgrounds, outdoor interests and spiritual lifestyle goals. They have a good time together and get along while on dates. George also finds her attractive, but still wonders if he can marry a woman who does not stimulate him intellectually. On the other hand, he has yet to meet anyone else that he enjoys being with as much, overall.
If George is to make a committment to Julia, do you think that he's "settling for less?" Discuss. |
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ck
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Post subject:
Posted: Aug 13, 2004 - 02:57 AM
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Joined: Aug 13, 2004
Posts: 8
Status: Offline
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Uh... I don't mean to underplay the importance of intellectual stimulation - however...
No one is going to meet all of one's expectations. Intellectual stimulation comes in many forms and varieties. Julia's interest in spiritual things implies the existence of critical faculties - perhaps she simply does not have the same intellectual interests that he has? Some of the smartest people I know have absolutely no interest in current events, or art or stuff like that. If George wishes to engage Julia in an intellectual manner may I suggest an intellectual challenge for him? George - don't be so obtuse. Find out what it is that Julia is interested in - it might be Philosophy or logic or other less concrete things, and then expand YOUR OWN intellectual horizons and engage her in that way.
I mean geez, if y'all get along and she's cute and you have so many more other obvious things in common, its worth the effort. Did you ever think that she finds your interests uninteresting (yes, it is indeed possible to find current events banal) and that she's wondering about whether she is settling too? |
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h
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Post subject:
Posted: Oct 03, 2004 - 04:07 PM
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Joined: Oct 03, 2004
Posts: 16
Status: Offline
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George has to make a list of what is important for him and what are the things he must have. If intellectual stimulation is on the "must have" list, then he is settling for less. If it is on the "like to have" list, then he is merely accepting the reality that no person is perfect.
Another angle that has not been addressed by anyone here is genetics. If George plans to have kids, the woman he chooses to have them with is going to have a big effect on them. If she is not an intellectual giant and a high intellect is important for George, will he be happy with the kids he has with her if they turn out to be at her intellectual level?
Genetic is an area where people?s lack of forethought continues to amaze me. I hear so often from people "How come my kid acts so stupidly?" or "Why did my kid end up bipolar?" The answer is always: Have you ever looked at your spouse closely? |
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