|
I think the work we did together, the encouragement, the advice and accountability you gave me has been incredible, wise & very valuable. I am going to continue using everything I learned in my future dating endeavors which will hopefully end soon when I get engaged :-) and married....
-- Jessie[Click here to read more]
|
Main Menu
|
|
|
Online
|
|
|
|
|
 |
Welcome to the Doctor Love Coach Message Boards!
I invite you to join me and and other members in discussions of just about anything related to dating and relationships.
This is a place for everyone to share, so please respect each other and enjoy!
Check out the FAQ for help getting started, or jump right in to the discussions below!
|
| Author |
Message |
nate6212
|
|
Post subject: Help pls..
 Posted: Feb 15, 2010 - 02:03 PM
|
|
Joined: Feb 15, 2010
Posts: 1
Status: Offline
|
|
I have twin daughters to a woman who I went out with for 4 years...off and on. It was not a good relationship at all. We constantly fought, broke up, got back together. I know for a fact she cheated on me a couple of times. I always checked her phone and all, to see what she was doing, where she was going. She even went on a trip somewhere with a guy when she was with me. Drinking had a lot to do with our arguing. My point here, and it is hard to explain, is that I just cannot bring myself to trust her.
I got involved in another relationship almost as soon as this one ended. I ended up getting engaged to a very good woman. I had trust issues in the beginning, due to the prior 4 years. That eventually went away, and we were a great couple. She was a great woman, helped with my little girls, and she had 12 year old twin daughters also, so they helped with my kids a lot too.
I started getting text messages and emails from the kids mom here a couple months ago. I started really thinking about things, and how much I loved and missed my kids mom, even through all the prior garbage we had went through. So, one day, I just got up, left my fiancee and got back together with my kids mother. I feel bad for what I have done.
My parents are furious at me, my friends think I am nuts.
I know it sounds corny, but the kids mom has changed. She has taken so many steps to better herself as a person, and it showed for many months before I made my decision.
My issue is...I still find it so hard to trust her. I constantly am losing my mind thinking about what she is doing and many other things. I don't get it. It gets to the point where I am practically shaking, thinking numerous things, wanting to look at her phone. I don't know if I should get some help or what. I am a very 'normal' person. I don't suffer from self confidence or anything like that, but this is getting to me big time, and I really have no idea what to do.
I am 33 years old by the way.. |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
|
Janice
|
|
|
Post subject:
Posted: Mar 05, 2010 - 04:18 AM
|
|
Site Admin
Joined: Mar 19, 2004
Posts: 276
Location: New York City
Status: Offline
|
|
Your post is very interesting in how I hear your attempts to rationalize your impulsive behavior. For example, you describe how you engaged in a very conscious decision to return to your daughters' mother, but if you ignored your unresolved feelings of distrust, it wasn't as conscious and mature a decision as you think it was. So I tend to agree with your friends' reactions of shock and dismay, especially since you struggle with the same feelings now as you did then.
The real question here is this -- why haven't the changes you acknowledge your daughters' mother made have an affect on your attitude towards her trustworthiness? You actually seem tortured now by a decision you admit took great courage and risk.
If you are feeling and behaving in ways that you are unable to control, and they are causing you distress, then you are an excellent candidate for psychotherapy. Psychotherapy would provide you with an opportunity to better understand your feelings and learn how to control your impulsive behavior. This could only be good for you, your daughters, and their mother. Let me know if you would like me to help you find a referral. Good luck! |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
FAQ
Search
Register
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
