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tonyah72
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Post subject: Taking it slow after 5 1/2 years . . .
 Posted: Oct 14, 2009 - 07:03 PM
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Joined: Oct 14, 2009
Posts: 1
Status: Offline
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I've been on/off with this man that I know from church for 5 1/2 yrs. We both had some previous issues in our life (I was getting divorced, he was struggling with addiction) but have both resolved these issues and are on the right track. -- please no judging. I know him and his family well and we both have grown immensely! --
Anyway, we've been on/off throughout our struggles. We want to be together but both knew that things were not right and peacefully broke up while remaining friendly acquaintances.
He has since relocated to my town (2 years ago). We have been dating again for the past 6 months. He came on very strong telling me he never stopped loving me and wanted to get married - implying now, even saying let's fly to Vegas. I never held him to it & didn't take him seriously but insisted that we have a dating relationship for at least a year. Things were going great. We had been dating for about 4 mos. & we were hanging out daily for about a week when he freaked out & suddenly needed some distance saying it is going to fast. He didn't call me for 3 days and didn't even say hello to me in church.
What happened? Neither of us has dated others throughout the past 5 1/2 yrs. We have many friends in common. My only guess is our children. He has an 18 y/o son who is a good kid but a bit of a challenge (typical teenager things) & I have two myself - my daughter is 13 & my son 11. My ex (children's father) can be a bit of a jerk instigating arguments due to his jealousy which is unreasonable by the way. He filed long before my present bf was in the picture. Some of my bf and my friends knew my ex previously which is why I think my ex behaves as he does. My ex lived in the town first and knew everyone I think he feels his territory is invaded or something childish. Could my bf not want to deal with all this drama? Why is he suddenly backing off needing space but still wants to be in a relationship with me?
I have repeatedly told my bf that I am happy with our situation the way it is & that we live 3 miles apart and see each other but have separate residences while we rear our children. How can he feel it is going to o fast. I'm not pushing for marriage. I tell him someday but not yet. He's the one who keeps bringing it up. |
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Janice
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Post subject:
Posted: Nov 05, 2009 - 09:32 PM
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Site Admin
Joined: Mar 19, 2004
Posts: 276
Location: New York City
Status: Offline
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This post is a good example of what I CAN'T do -- understand or predict why someone else is behaving the say they do.
Your situation is obviously a complicated one and one filled with a lot of drama. But I really don't think it has to be if you are able to stay in the moment and enjoy what you have. If you and your boyfriend get along well now but he's pulling back, then that seems to say he enjoys your company now as a companion. But he is not ready, willing and/or able to work towards building a life partnership with you.
I wrote about these differences in my article Know the Kind of Relationshp You Want.
I suggest you read it in order to understand that while your boyfriend may be committed to you now, anything having to do with the future is not in his viewfinder. At least not now. The decision to stay together under these circumstances is thus yours.
Good luck! |
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