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mizbeckyz0818
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Post subject: Don't Know How To Act Around Him...
 Posted: Sep 07, 2009 - 06:54 PM
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Joined: Sep 07, 2009
Posts: 1
Location: Long Beach, CA
Status: Offline
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Long story short, I like this guy that is a few years younger than me and that I have known for the past few months. We went out once years ago and liked each other. We would have still been seeing each other if I hadn't moved away. Four years later, I am single and happen to see this guy going to my church. We have been talking for the past few months and I felt that he liked me since he kept looking at me when he thought I wasn't looking and other little things like that. I didn't want to wait for him to ask me out since I felt that I was going to be waiting forever so I asked him out instead. He was amused when I asked him, but said that he couldn't go because he had other plans and so scheduled it for the following weekend. When I reminded him of our plans, he asked me for my number and said that he would call me if he could go because his family had plans for Labor Day weekend. Well, he called two hours after he said he would to tell me that he couldn't go with me and we ended up texting each other the entire weekend. I saw him again on Sunday and he and I talked and goofed around a bit. I texted him to see if he was going to be busy since I had some free time and he texted me back saying that he couldn't because he was at his sister's house so I asked him if he had plans for Labor Day. When he said he didn't, I asked if he could hang out with me in the evening. He texted me back and said that it was fine, but that he would call me to let me know. I don't like being given maybe as an answer so I texted him back and asked him if he really wanted to go with me or not because I didn't want him to go if he didn't want to. He replied back and said that it probably wasn't a good idea to go with me then because, and I quote him, "one thing could lead to another" and was afraid that since he was a guy and I'm a girl that people would suspect something and judge us, to which I replied that I am a person that doesn't care what people think about me and that since people are going to judge anyway, that I lived my life based on what I thought was right and not what others felt I should live my life like. Well, he responded that he felt that there would be complications and drama and that he was trying to avoid it. So I replied that if he thought that I was a complication, that maybe he was right but that I didn't agree with it. He didn't text me back and I left it at that. My problem now is how do I act around him when I know that I'm going to still be seeing him at church a couple of times a week? If he didn't want anything to do with me, why did he carry on with me like he did instead of being honest? I would have much preferred the honesty instead of wasting my time asking someone who didn't want to hang out with me.  |
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Janice
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Post subject:
Posted: Oct 01, 2009 - 04:43 PM
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Site Admin
Joined: Mar 19, 2004
Posts: 276
Location: New York City
Status: Offline
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| I can see that you put a great deal of effort into staying in contact with this man, inviting him to "hang out" with you, reassuring him that it would be okay to be seen in public, etc. However, it felt like you were "beating a dead horse" as I read all of what you texted and said to him in your attempt to attain the goal of getting him to voluntarily spend time with you.
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But you ask, "If he didn't want anything to do with me, why did he carry on with me like he did instead of being honest?"
The answer is that he couldn't be honest with you, as he didn't feel comfortable rejecting you, especially since you were so persistent. In essence, YOU made it more difficult for HIM to give you what you said you wanted, which was honesty. You basically gave him no room.
Another reason why he couldn't be honest with you is because he's shallow. He's indifferent to the effect his behaviors have on others, and even though you might've thought of him as a friend, you're really no exception.
Now you want to know how to act around him since you'll most likely see him in church a few times a week. I suggest that you act civil and cool, friendly but not inviting. This means that you do not show him any interest in getting more from him other than pleasant "hellos" and "goodbyes." It shouldn't be hard, considering that you now know he's shallow and callous. |
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