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Kathy42
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Post subject: Dating a widower
 Posted: Oct 21, 2007 - 08:42 PM
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Joined: Oct 21, 2007
Posts: 1
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| I am dating a widower, he has been widowed for 2.5 years; and we have been dating for 1 year. He will not tell me he loves me, however he does say; you know that i love you, but im not ready to say it. He is also says hes not ready for a livin relationship; which I respect, but i would like to know what time frame I can expect from him. I get along well with his three grown childern and his extended family, but I feel that he is holding himself back from me. He says he is affraid of loosing someone he loves again, does that mean he will always be aftraid and never committe? |
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Janice
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Post subject:
Posted: Nov 18, 2007 - 01:15 AM
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Site Admin
Joined: Mar 19, 2004
Posts: 276
Location: New York City
Status: Offline
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It's difficult to predict the amount of time someone needs to recover and move on after losing a spouse. A lot can depend on if he lost his wife suddenly, or if she suffered from a long illness. Psychological and sociological research indicates that widowers who were happily married are more likely to remarry after losing a wife, and can do so within a couple of years. But again, there are a lot of factors involved that you didn't share, and you may not really know.
I suggest that you listen to what your boyfriend says. One telling statement has to do with his fear of losing someone he loves again. This is his way of asking you to stick it out with him as he needs to learn to trust that you're healthy (physically) and loyal (emotionally). Saying "I love you" may come with time, but at this point I suggest that you accept his actions over his words (or lack of them). If you're exclusive, then that says a lot about his commitment. If you make a big deal about him not saying what you want to hear, then it may turn him off rather than inspire him.
Moving any relationship forward frequently takes tact and timing. If you're unhappy with the pace your relationship is moving, then remember you still have the option of leaving. On the other hand, see if you can focus on the fulfillment you are getting in the present, and keep him informed that you love him and want to be with him into the future. Doing so can reassure him that you are there for him and sticking around for the long haul. If you do this for another 3 to 6 months, I think you'll see some progress on his end. |
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Campbell
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Posted: Nov 06, 2009 - 08:19 AM
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Joined: Nov 06, 2009
Posts: 3
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I, too, am living with a widower. He lost his wife 5 years ago to cancer, and he still is not done grieving. He goes in waves and cycles through all 5 stages, sometimes in the course of an hour, sometimes a month.
I feel your pain 1000%.
We have been living together almost 4 years and have a baby, but still, its like I am a room mate.
If you want to commiserate anytime, just drop me a line. " |
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Campbell
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Posted: Dec 06, 2009 - 08:03 AM
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Joined: Nov 06, 2009
Posts: 3
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| I'm also a 50 year old widowed male who lost his wife nine months ago. My spouse also passed away after a long terminal illness. |
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meeting42
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Posted: Dec 17, 2009 - 10:50 AM
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Joined: Dec 17, 2009
Posts: 1
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sad story, but believe in best!
---------------------------------------
[url=http://www.meeting42.com/advice_story.php?sel=cat&id=5
]relationship advice[/url] |
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JulieDA
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Post subject: Onlne resource/book
Posted: Dec 20, 2009 - 11:28 PM
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Joined: Dec 20, 2009
Posts: 1
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Hi!
Do I have a book for you!: "PAST: Perfect! PRESENT: Tense! Insights From One Woman's Journey as the Wife of a Widower" is my story of dating/marrying my previously widowed husband.
As well, anyone dating (or married to) a widower is welcome to become a member of my interactive forum, The Official WOW/GOW Message Board (WOW = Wife Of a Widower; GOW = Girlfriend Of a Widower).
Both can be accessed at my website, http://www.juliedonnerandersen.com.
All are welcome!  |
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cynthiaacass1
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Post subject:
Posted: Sep 15, 2010 - 01:46 PM
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Joined: Sep 15, 2010
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| OK...I neede some help here. I started dating a widower whose wife had recently passed away about 10 months ago. We have been having such a great time together and have bonded, I thought, as friends as well. He has declared his love for me and has treated me so special. Last week was the one year anniversary of his wife's death. He wen to the town she is buried in to spend time at the cemetery. A different man has returned. He does not call, text, try to see me. It is like he has dropped me like a hot potato. I have tried to keep the communication open but am finding that I am angry and feeling used. He is a coach so he is now using his schedule to say he is just so tired, but prior to last weekend he made the time. I'm getting off this emotional roller coaster today. Your thoughts? |
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