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Dear Alicia -- Deciding to become exclusive can be difficult, but not so difficult if you have some guidelines. Usually, dating more than one person at a time runs the risk that your emotional energy and attention will get diffused between the two people. Since you are in the process of determining if someone can meet your emotional needs, as well as your intellectual, spiritual and physical needs, I suggest that singles understand that they need to give their dating partners all of their attention.

That being said, as I see it, there are two ways that you can decide whether or not to go out with more than one person at a time:

1. You feel very strongly, usually on a gut level, that you know and like the person you're dating that you don't want to get distracted by dating anyone else. This is a perfectly legitimate reason to refuse being introduced to someone new, which can be handled by telling your friend, "I'm busy right now, but please don't forget about the match! I'll let you know if and when I become available."

2. Alternatively, you should, usually between the 3rd and 5th date, be able to broach the subject of becoming exclusive with your dating partner.

A. I don't have any specific belief about "a healthy age difference between a man and a woman." I know 2 happy couples where the woman is 7 years older than her husband, and a few couples where the man is 11-15 years older than his wife. The bottom line really is if they have to have enough in common that makes the age difference irrelevant.

I believe that communication is the key when we're talking about men and women getting together. I know people who are more mature for their ages, as well as those who are less mature for their ages. So again a difference in chronological age is irrelevant.

Now, if you were more specific about your situation and what you really want to know, e.g., you like an older woman but are concerned that it isn't "a healthy age difference," or that you are looking to date women 15 - 20 years younger than you and expecting that they find you attractive and have much in common, then I could help you out better..Those are topics where I do have strong beliefs.

A. Jeanne -- John Gray talks about how men occasionally need to "go into their caves" in his "Women are From Venus and Men are From Mars" books. This behavior is different than that of women who prefer to talk with others about their needs and feelings. You're obviously confused about this man's intentions because he's giving you mixed signals - "come close, I like it when you initiate," and "go away, give me space, you're getting too close."

I suggest that you have a conversation with this man, which you could conduct over email if you fear he'll freak out.

A. Singles who have been through divorce and are re-entering the dating scene with children in tow face many challenges. Establishing a new relationship now must include helping your children to ?blend? in with another family.

Blending families is a special undertaking for two single parents who want to be together. I recommend that you go to Blended-Families.com for more information and resources. Since not all blended families look like ?The Brady Bunch,? here are a few suggestions to start you off:

Don, I get these kinds of questions frequently, especially since no one is perfect. Singles have special antennae to detect imperfections in their dating partners, but if s/he hasn?t detected any of yours during the course of dating you, then it behooves you to raise the issue yourself.

Valerie, Putting up with difficult relatives is one of those things that should have been taught in Relationship School. Oh, there isn't a Relationship School? Oh well. Nonetheless, the amount of effort that it takes to deal with relatives differs from family to family, with each individual having different tolerance level.

I suggest that you have a conversation with your significant other to let him know your feelings about this situation. One of the first techniques taught in Relationship School (oops, I forgot!) is how to give someone negative feedback or bad news. It's called "giving a sandwich." A sandwich is made up of two pieces of bread with some kind of filling between them, right? So you start out the conversation by giving him a positive, then a negative, and then a positive. Here's an sample of how to do it:

Dear Kelley, While you may or may not be compatible with your boyfriend, the real concern is if both of you are truly ready to be in, and take on the responsibility of, an exclusive committed relationship. ConsciousDating.org has a Relationship Readiness Quiz that might be helpful. In the meantime, I have a few additional insights and suggestions that I hope will be helpful for you.

Recovering from a break-up, such as a divorce (obviously), requires going through a process of grieving and mourning. Each person has to find their way to accepting the new reality of being apart, after dreaming, hoping and living about being together. The grieving and mourning process takes time, and is preferably accomplished alone. You can read what I wrote about break-ups in a previous Q&A.

My boyfriend celebrated a birthday recently, and his mother had a get-together for the whole family. I assumed that I was excluded as I did not receive an invitation, yet my boyfriend went alone after concocting an argument with me over a trivial matter. While he acts like nothing's wrong, he later admitted that if I had attended then everyone would have left.

I feel that this is a dead-end for any type of relationship for us. Any ideas? Fay

Dear Fay, It appears that you already know the answer to Question #3 of "TheTop Ten Questions to Ask a Potential Life Partner" -- How important are family and children? Family life and involvement ARE important to your boyfriend and, based on the scenario you described, it appears to be a higher priority than being in a healthy relationship with you.

My boyfriend of two years has recently moved across the country for a job. I need to decide if I should move there to be with him. The issue is this -- we have known since the beginning of our relationship that he doesn't want kids and I do, or that is, I did. Prior to meeting him, I just assumed that one day I would have kids, not necessarily because I wanted them but because that's what everyone does. The more I think about it though, the more I realize that I have a choice.

I love him very much and am having a hard time imagining life without him. While I don't want kids now (I'm 27 and he's 32) , I don't know what my desires in that area will be in the future. I would like to move to where he is, but I fear the pain and heartache will be even worse if we break up after more years together if/when I decide I want kids. Please help! Thank you! Linda

Dear Linda: I want to congratulate you on wanting to address this discrepancy in your life goals with your boyfriend now, rather than pushing it under the rug and having to deal with it later. So while I do wonder why your boyfriend absolutely does not want children, I will gear my response to help you under the current circumstances of your relationship

The choice to have children is a different one for women than is is for men. You said that you "assumed that one day I would have kids," and this is because women are reminded on a monthly basis just what their anatomy and physiology is designed to do -- bear children. Coupled with your experiences interacting with siblings and other children throughout your life, if they were in the least bit positive, it's not unusual that you would assume that you would do what "everyone does" and have children of your own one day.

Dear Janice, I have been dating this girl for a few months. At first, things were fine but now she is not as affectionate as before. She has stopped being affectionate and intimate with me and she is real cynical about things in general. She keeps telling me to stick things out, that this is just a phase. I don't know whether to break up with her or try to stick it out like she asked. She acts like she could care less if we are in a relationship or not -- either way seems fine with her. I feel like we are at a crossroads. Are we? Doug

Dear Doug, Your girlfriend is obviously expressing, through her actions, her ambivalence about being in your relationship. Since it's difficult to translate anyone's behaviors into their true meanings, you need to hear what a person says. She told you that "this is just a phase," and she requested that you "stick things out."

I agree that your girlfriend's behavior is just what she says it is -- "a phase." But it's a phase in the relationship, not what she's going through on her own. That's because relationships go through pretty predictable phases. You are right when you wonder if you are at "a crossroads," because you are. It's the end of the "lust" phase of your relationship, where the newness and excitement of being with someone new begins to wear off. . . .