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  Do singles have questions about dating and relationships? They sure do! If you have a question about a relationship quandary, just go to the "Contact Us" page and ask!
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This is silly, but I need some advice. I am 20 years old and have been in a relationship with my current fiance (7 years older than me) for 4 years in March 2008. We are from a small town and we moved to a big city. I currently work in a business were I am the only girl. I developed a crush on my boss who is 12 years older than me. This crush has been developing more and more. Now I am not sure what to do. This crush started to develop more when my fiance asked my dad for permision to marry me. I also feel that my boss may feel the same way. But I am not sure how to tell directly since I have been in a relationship since I was 17. Can you help? C. Hmmm -- your "crush started to develop more" after your fiance took the next big step toward getting married. While you may legitimately be attracted to your boss, the timing is suspicious. At your age, a 12 year age gap is pretty significant. And even if your boss likes you, if he were to act on his interest in you, then he could jeopardize not only your job, but his. </p If you're confused about whether or not you want to make a life-time commitment to your boyfriend/fiance, then I suggest that you start by talking with him. If you're distracted by your boss, then perhaps you can get transferred to another department, or even find another job. If none of these things work, then I suggest you talk with a professional psychotherapist to help you get clarity on your thoughts and feelings. Let me know if you need help to find one in your area. Good luck!
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I have a relationship question. I like a man of 52 who has been divorced 7 years. He seems shy. He talks to me, smiles, looks googly eyed, positions his body towards mine. I don't see him often (we work at the same place but far from each other), We keep contact by e-mail. He is open and talks about his life and such. He said he "enjoys his bachelorhood very much." Was he trying to tell me he is not interested in me with that remark? I have never come on to him although I feel he knows I like him. Can you shed some light? Brenda Dear Brenda, I have always been a big advocate of listening to what people say, as it is the best predictor of their behavior. So yes, by saying he enjoys his bachelorhood very much, he's telling you that he plans to stay a bachelor. It won't matter how much he flirts with you, moves his body extra close to you, or reveals about his life to you in emails. After all, isn't that what "enjoying" one's bachelorhood all about? Especially if he knows you like him. Consequently, I suggest that you keep the relationship platonic. If he actually asks you out on a real date, you can begin to gather evidence to determine if you're both looking for the same things in a relationship. If not, then you can decide if you truly do want a relationship with a "committed bachelor." Good luck!
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i was wondering if you could provide some advice about my long term relationship. I've been with my bf for about 7 years (am 26 y.o.) and have been feeling bored for the past year. We used to see each other every day, but it's gotten to the point where i feel i know everything there is to know about him and i would rather spend time on my own or with friends, and see him maybe once a week. Does this mean the relationship is dwindling down and i should call it quits before draggin it on for longer? how do i really know what this means? thx, Aggie Well, Aggie, what you described doesn't sound good for your relationship. While I've never described the ending of a relationship as "dwindling down," I can see that the two of you no longer seem to be as interested in each other, or interested in pursuing the same activities and goals, as you might have years ago. The fact that you feel like you are "draggin' it on" tells me that you really are not excited to be with your boyfriend, and that doesn't bode well for your future. But that doesn't mean that it has to end.
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Posted by: Janice
on Wednesday, November 28, 2007
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Dear Dr. Janice, I met a guy 5 weeks ago and he swept me off my feet. I met him out with friends who introduced us and thought we would be good for each other. We were having a great time for the first month of our relationship -- making plans for the winter. Going out and just spending alot of time together. Then one day after all night talking to me offering to a pay a babysitter to watch my kids and everything so that I could go out and see him, calling me all night and all morning, but by afternoon that mood had all changed. He told me that he had just got out of a 5 year relationship were he was taken for everything. When I say everything I mean he bought a house for her and her 3 kids, a truck for her to drive and paied for her to go back to school. Only to find out that she was cheating on him and only stayed with him to get what she wanted. He never saw this until just now though. I mean this guy went as far as to on saturday nights he stayed home and watched the kids so she could go out. Now he is with me and doesn't know what it is like for someone to treat him nice. I know that he likes me alot and wants to be with me but how can I help him get over his fear of a relationship? After all he is the one who is calling me wanting to see me and on. He started this relationship please help me get my man's head on straight. Thanks, Anna It's pretty clear that your boyfriend went through a traumatic experience, but didn't know it until after it was all over. No wonder he's fearful and holding back with you! He has to grieve and mourn the loss of the previous relationship, especially the time, money and energy he invested into it. He sounds like a real nice guy, a generous and caring giver, but, unfortunately, he hooked up with a "taker," who didn't reciprocate and took advantage of him.
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Posted by: Janice
on Tuesday, November 06, 2007
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 Hello Dr. Janice, I am in a great relationship of 3 years with my boyfriend. I am at a crossroads right now in making a decision. I moved across country to be with him and go to school....now I have the option of moving back to my home state to go to school there, or staying here where the school is not as great, but my boyfriend is going to be staying here for awhile. He is unable to move with me, and thinks we should break-up if I decide to leave, to not do a long-distance thing. I really love him and he is totally committed, but I also do not want to compromise my happiness with plans of a degree. I am really scared to be single also, but am also scared of marrying him because he is my first and only. What can you give me for perspective? I really need some advice! Jenny Dear Jenny, Your dilemma is a common one for many college and graduate students who formed meaningful relationships while away at school. While your first priority was initially to get a good education, a student can be forced to reevaluate their goals if they've formed a meaningful relationship along the way. So you're now confronted with having to decide which has the higher priority -- pursuing your degree (I am guessing that it's an advanced, graduate degree, right?) or staying with your boyfriend and adjusting your academic goals. In making this decision, you already have some important information -- your boyfriend does not want to do "the long-distance thing." You can't blame him of course, because it takes a lot of effort to maintain a relationship over long distance. Although it can be done, it's not for everyone. Taking his feelings into consideration, I think you now have to decide where to pursue your education goals.
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Posted by: Janice
on Tuesday, June 26, 2007
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Hi Janice, I use a couple of online dating sites to find a relationship. I've written what I consider to be a creative, unique profile that tries to show me as someone with intelligence, wit and some depth and imagination. But I get ignored or rejected by probably 99% of women who I contact or who see my profile. Even by those who are themselves intelligent and educated. Would it be possible to ask for you to look at the profile for your impression of it? Steve Of course I will look at your profiles Steve, but I prefer to do so in the context of knowing more about you and your vision of your ideal relationship. Singles frequently end up writing essays for their profiles that don't necessarily match who they are and what they want. One reason for this is, like you perhaps, you're trying too hard. Consequently, your profile either doesn't feel real or it's filled with a bunch of overused adjectives. I have coached many singles who told me "I tried dating online and it didn't work for me." My response is usually, "But you didn't do it with a coach!" Once I teach a client how to create an effective profile and show them how to sort and screen through the various members contacting them, they usually see how they unknowingly made mistakes that cause the failure. Oh, and an important piece of information that is often ignored --
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Posted by: Janice
on Thursday, May 31, 2007
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Hi Janice, I have been with a guy on & off for 12 months. We have been friends for 3 yrs. We are exclusive but only see each other once a week & gradually have begun talking on the phone up to 5 times/week. He classifies us as friends but everyone that sees us says its a relationship. My family & friends like him and he fits in like a glove. I am tired of feeling uptight about when I will see or hear from him next as I am 43 & he is 41, and the sitting by the phone at my age is ridiculous. We aren't kids anymore so I want more which he says he just can't give me as his head isn't in a good place. He has never married and is the youngest of four, is quite the loner, although he does have a steady job. His last relationship lasted 6 yrs & the one before that 4. I need help to help him get his head together. What do you suggest? He has told me that he cares deeply for me & loves me too. Unfortunately, I want more. Anyway, just today I told him that if he can't give me that then he needed to tell me to walk away. He got angry but did snarl out an "ok, julie, you need to walk away I cant do anymore." What do you think? How long should I have been willing to only take the crumbs while life passes me by? I am not asking him for marriage, engagement, or moving in together just more time spent in each others' company. What do you think? Julie Dear Julie, I have always said that the best way to predict someone's behavior is by listening to the words that they say. Your guy-friend told you that "he just can't give me [more] as his head isn't in a good place." Moreover, he tells people that the two of you are "friends," which seems incongruent with what you say is the nature of your relationship -- "exclusive." And if you noticed, his behavior supports his comments -- he doesn't commit to spending more time with you. So what you've done is exactly as you say -- you've settled for crumbs and you're frustrated that he can't give you a whole cake, let alone a small cupcake!
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Posted by: Janice
on Sunday, March 18, 2007
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Hi...i have been divorced for 10 years and have been dating this man for almost 5 years. He is also divorced for 12 years. I am trying to approach this relationship in an open and honest way by disclosing any thoughts or feelings regarding our relationship or how things he does or even how situations affect me. When I express my feelings it most certainly winds up in an arguement where I get told that I am abusive by talking about these things. Aside from his lack of accountability, he is a wonderful man. What am I doing wrong? Thank you, Dee Hi Dee, To start off, it certainly sounds twisted to hear that you are accused of being abusive merely for expressing your feelings or telling someone the effects of their behavior on you! So right there, I'm not so sure that this "wonderful man" that you've been dating for over five years is really all that wonderful. And he has a "lack of accountability?" I assume you mean that he blames everyone else (like you) for his problems, rather than see what he's contributing to his dissatisfaction in the relationship. While I give you props for being open and honest in this relationship (which I assume you had not been in your marriage), it's not going to make a bit of difference with this guy at all. He will continue to argue your feelings until and unless you relent. He's not someone who is likely to change and "learn" to get along. But if you've been accepting his behavior for five years already, then this is the "deal" that you've made, as you can read in Love Is A Big Deal, Part 1, and Part 2.
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Hi Janice! I am in a relationship with a man who is unsure about the future of "us." We dated for a year and a half without ever talking about the future. When I finally brought it up things got rocky. We've been on-again off-again for about two years now and he still is wary of committing to me, although he loves me and thinks I am a wonderful person. He feels that something is missing and can't commit to the relationship because of it. I love him very much and would do anything for him, I want nothing more than to marry him. I know what most people would say, if he still can't commit after 2 years than forget him, but that is the one thing I am not willing to do. He's an amazing person and I think he would make a great husband. We've talked about it to no end and just don't seem to get anywhere. I think he has relationship issues, and he's been seeing a psychologist for at least 6 months now but it hasn't helped him gain any clarity on the situation. He's 41 and I'm 28 and neither of us has ever been married. Here's the real kicker - he's my boss. Is there anything you can suggest that we can do that may help him be able to move forward with the relationship? We can't "take a break" since we work together and see each other every day regardless of what is going on with us outside of work. I can't stress enough how much he means to me, I really am willing to do anything to make the relationship work (except walk away). Any advice you can offer would be greatly appreciated. Marilyn Dear Marilyn, Since you said you were willing "to do anything for him," then I suggest that you find another job. By doing so, the boss-employee relationship is factored out of your relationship equation. Getting another job will give him the message that you take your relationship with him seriously and want to give him space, at least from 9-5, to figure things out. If you were to stay in your job, then he's not really experiencing what life would be like without you.
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Posted by: Janice
on Sunday, January 28, 2007
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