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When else in your life did you make such an important decision? The one that I think comes closest is deciding where to go to college. Now it’s unlikely that you made that decision on your own. You had teachers, guidance counselors and family members to help you. Maybe you decided instead to go into a business or a trade that you had a special talent for. But I bet you didn't make these decisions on your own; most of you had help.

Now that you’re a little (or a lot) older and searching for a life partner, who do you trust to help you? Most singles will answer “No one”. Or maybe there is someone, but not for all of your relationship decisions. That’s why singles will write to me, or come up to me after my workshops-- to ask for help.

It has been unbelievably cold here, but nothing stops us hardy New Yorkers from doing what we have to and getting to where we have to go. I am, of course, referring to myself, since I actually did bundle up and got myself to the lecture hall two nights ago to conduct the “Confronting Your Relationship ’Fear Factors’” workshop. Approximately 70 singles showed up and participated in a lively discussion designed to help get them closer to commitment.

One impression that I walked away with was how motivated some of the men were to overcome their limitations. A few men that I spoke with after the workshop shared with me how they were putting extra effort into improving their social skills. These were men that I imagine are brilliant and accomplished at work (I hate to use the term “nerd” but it does come to mind), who realized that in order to be more successful in their social lives, they had to learn some additional skills. And for that awareness and effort, I applauded them! (And I told them so too, because it doesn't hurt to get some endorsement.)

So I suggested that he gear his profile toward selling his city and his lifestyle. As I’ve disclosed previously, I have been there myself: in Los Angeles, actually, and my future husband was in NYC. It was my choice whether or not to date him, knowing that I would have to leave my family and burgeoning career in order to be married. Also, Rachel Greenwald, in her book, Find a Husband After 35, makes the case for marriage-minded women to consider moving to a city where there are more eligible men, without knowing someone in particular to date! So, I ask women, what’s more important: location or marriage?

Being helpful and productive to new people that I meet, teaching them about the benefits of coaching. For those people who became my coaching clients, being an inspiring coach to help them create the kind of relationships that they really want.

This has been an interesting holiday season so far. For example, people have been telling me how they’re able to determine the seriousness of their relationships based on the gifts that they’ve received.

I recently heard about a woman who was very upset with the gift that she received from a man that she was dating seriously. He had asked her what she wanted, and so she told him “jewelry.” While she may have dreamed of receiving an engagement ring, she knew that her boyfriend had been wary about recently becoming an exclusive couple, so she didn’t hold out much hope. She heard from her roommate that he had asked her for some ideas, and she had suggested a specific style of pearl earrings that she knew her friend liked.

When the time came to open her gift, she was shocked and surprised to find the tiniest pair of pearl stud earrings she had ever seen. “Starter earrings” she called them, the kind that a young girl gets when she first has her ears pierced.

One aspect of long-distance dating that I want to emphasize is how using the telephone helps to not only gather information about your dating partner, but also is a way of increasing intimacy. By the latter I don't phone sex. What I mean is, by sharing aspects of your lives on a regular basis by phone, you are able to better focus on the message and the person, while not getting distracted by the environment, like if you were meeting in person at a restaurant or bar. [That is, unless, there is very loud construction around you, or screaming and yelling children.]

While the world wide web has provided an “information superhighway,” there is not yet a way to make in-person meetings happen any faster. To accomplish that, one of the two people involved have to physically get out a suitcase, pack it up, and hop into a car, train, bus or plane to physically meet the person they’ve only met virtually.

I decided that over the next few weeks, I’ll devote some of my blog postings to address different aspects of long-distance dating and relationships. I will present strategies that can be utilized by a conscious dater on how to turn a virtual liaison into an actual relationship. Of course, I would love to hear some of your experiences with long-distance dating, and I can incorporate them into these postings.

Briefly, the 1 Minute Quiz has you rate your dating partner in 4 different relationship areas on a scale from 1 to 10: Intellectual, Emotional, Chemistry and Spiritual/Life Path. I’ve received a lot of feedback about the 1 Minute Quiz, most of which has been positive. Singles like it for its simplicity and clarity, as well as its ability to articulate many of the feelings and thoughts that circulate while dating.

I recently worked with 2 single men living in 2 very different parts of the world with different dating challenges. Both of these men are looking for a life partner, however I’m going to change some of their other identifying information in order to protect their privacy. The points and ideas that I want to make however, are true and real.

John lives in New Zealand. John is divorced and acknowledges that there are not that many single women living within a 200 mile radius of his home. This makes dating to find a life partner a challenge for him. Martin lives in San Francisco and, by the way, is heterosexual. He believes that his sexual orientation works to his advantage, as there are many single women living in S.F. who are “looking for a straight guy like me.” His challenge though, is that there is an abundance of available women. And since he’s looking for just one life partner, he’s afraid that if he gets too close to one, then there could be a “better” one waiting for him around the corner.

Debra was an only child from an affluent family. Her mother had always said, “It’s just as easy to love someone rich as it is to love someone poor.” But it was not that “easy” for Debra. The man she fell in love with was a high school teacher, who came from a middle-class home where both parents were teachers. Debra and her eventual husband had a lot of discussions about the kind of lifestyle they wanted, and could afford, which was challenging for Debra since her mother’s words kept ringing in her ears. But they were able to work out their different expectations and are now happily married.

Adam was “adament” about not dating anyone long-distance, until he met Cindy at a Super Bowl party at a friend’s house. Cindy came with her brother, whom she was visiting from out-of-town (like 500 miles out-of-town). It was during the course of the game that Adam noticed Cindy.