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I love your website, just found it today, first one where the advice/topics are not superficial. Thanks!
-- Kat[Click here to read more]
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Welcome to my mind! This is where I share my thoughts, reactions and experiences as your relationship coach.
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Finally, it's May! I have been looking forward to a real feeling of Spring for a long time and had designated the beginning of May as the time when I'd indulge. And wouldn't you know it? New York City is getting a drenching. Again. Which reminded me of last spring, when we had record-breaking rainfall, especially on the weekends. I felt a depression coming on . . . but then I was able to stop myself.
What popped up into my head was a song lyric by Bob Dylan: "Into every life, a little rain must fall." I began to realize that, well, maybe I need to accept that not every day is going to be a sunny one. Hmmm, I thought, if that's the reality, then maybe I can learn to accept other unwanted situations, too. I then made a pledge not to do what I did last year, which was to let the rain wash away my good spirit for spring.
I have found that a similar attitude is also useful for singles who are actively searching for a life partner. You might not have thought that you'd be in the same situation this spring as last spring -- still searching. But instead of succumbing to a negative attitude, I challenge you to make an adjustment. If "into every life, a little rain must fall," it's therefore up to you to do something different to handle the rain, i.e., an unwanted situation. You could read a new book, or attend a live or virtual class in order to develop better relationship skills. Or you could participate in new activities where you'd have opportunities to meet some new people.
I admit that an unwanted situation can tend to be immobilizing. But it's really an opportunity for us to make the most of it. After all, how would flowers bloom if it weren't for the rain?
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I started thinking the other day about how “life
partner” should be defined. This question was precipitated by a conversation I had with a
man who basically described his desired wife as “sweet, very sweet, non-complaining, and
I can take care of her.” He admitted that he had a rescuer-Prince-Charming-type complex,
and was pretty strict about the criteria his wife-to-be should meet.
Now, for those of you who know me, you understand why I was concerned – this man
was still single, and sticking to his prescription has not worked for him so far in finding his mate. And
I have doubts if his prescription will ever be filled (barring miracles, of course, which I would
NEVER rule out), so I concluded that he was actually looking for a “wifey.” He
did not seem to really be in the market for a “life partner.” If you go to www.dictionary.com, where I looked up the word "partner," you'll see that each and every
definition, from a variety of well-known dictionaries, includes “spouse” in their
definition of ”partner!”
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Posted by: Janice on Saturday, February 21, 2004
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This weekend is Valentine’s Day, and I chose not to
make a big deal about it this year to the singles searching for a life partner relationship. After all,
it’s only one day focusing on love, while the truth is that EVERY day in the year should
be about, and be filled with, love. For some people, having a date, or being in a serious relationship,
is important for two days of the year: New Year’s Eve and Valentine’s Day. And you
can include your birthday too if it means you can tell your family that instead of celebrating with
them, you’re going to be with your sweetheart.
The point of my ignoring Valentine’s Day stems from my interest in helping singles
find a LIFE partner. Having a life partner means that you have someone to share your life EVERY
day of the year. And having a life partner means that you can grow together, maybe even have a
family, and create a life where you can exemplify other values--such as loyalty, kindness, honesty,
giving and sharing, in addition to love.
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Posted by: Janice on Friday, February 13, 2004
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Over the last two weeks, I had at least three conversations with
people who are dating someone long-distance! Then, I received an email from an on-line organization
that accepts and publishes “Top Ten” lists, this one entitled “The Top Ten Ways to Sustain a
Long Distance Relationship”" You can get a look at it by pasting this link into your browser: http://www.topten.org/public/BB/BB414.html.
If you read my blog posting of Dec. 12th, 2003, you’ll remember that I’m a big
advocate of making the most of dating by phone, especially if you’re dating someone long
distance. In order to facilitate getting to know someone, I like to recommend this
book: Don't You Dare Get Married Until You Read This!, by Corey Donaldson.
It is a book containing 500 questions that couples can ask each other while dating, even though
Donaldson started writing the book after he got engaged to his (now) wife and they were living on
opposite sides of the world for six months. The questions can be asked and answered either by
phone or email.
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Posted by: Janice on Friday, February 06, 2004
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