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Thank you for having such a great website! Reading your articles and blogs has helped me a lot & shed so much light on my dating behaviors.
-- Sue[Click here to read more]
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  Welcome to my mind! This is where I share my thoughts, reactions and experiences as your relationship coach.
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I'm finally ready to write something about the tsunami that hit Southeast Asia on December 26, 2004. It was upsetting and devastating to hear the reports of the destruction to both property and human lives, and even more difficult to see the pictures of the survivors taking in their losses. Of all of the requests for help I came across, the one that struck me the most was in a Time Magazine article. It said that while it's important to donate money for the immediate clean up and recovery of victims, it's crucial to remember that the economic and psychological recovery will continue long after the original clean-up. Most of the areas destroyed were populated with poor, working-class people, and the survivors' traumatic losses will endure for months and years to come. With the advent of the internet, the world has indeed "shrunk" to where what seemed so far away at one time, can now feel very close. Viewing the pictures from the disaster felt overwhelmingly personal. News services, blogs, email and instant messaging, give us an intimacy and immediacy with the world that never before existed. For example, a major portion of my coaching business now involves coaching singles in
long-distance relationships. When I was dating my husband Richard in
the late '80's (I was living in Los Angeles and he in New York City), I
didn't know of any other singles dating someone living more than 30-40 miles away.
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Posted by: Janice
on Thursday, January 13, 2005
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I have two reasons why I rented the DVD "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" -- I had been quoted in the November '04 Cosmo article "How NOT to Lose a Guy in 10 Days," and my 14-1/2 year old daughter wanted to see it. Being the over-protective (and cool) mother that I am, we cuddled up together to watch it on my laptop. I will admit up front that I couldn't stand to watch the whole movie -- I think I lasted through about 50 minutes of it. It was really, really stupid. Why? Because it purported to show how a man could make a woman fall in love with him, ("real love"), and a woman could predictably do things to drive a guy away. Both, all, to be done within 10 days time. Oy! I couldn't take it past the first manipulation! It made me so sick to think that women and men out there could actually think this way! I let my daughter watch the rest of the movie by herself. She later told me about the ending, and opined that the movie was indeed "stupid." I reminded her of what I've been saying since she first started watching anything put out as commercial entertainment having anything to do with relationships -- "This is not real life. This is not how people, and especially you, will or should behave in order to find your beloved life partner." I think she's been listening (so far), but the Hollywood machine is much bigger, and richer, than I am. In the meantime, my mission is to work with all of you relationship-oriented singles of today.
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The holidays are here and it's usually a time when we want to be with those we love. That can be a tall order if you live far away from family members, or aren't partnered with somebody close by. Choosing how to spend your time during the holiday season can be a challenge, but it can be filled with opportunities as well. Especially for singles looking for a life partner relationship.
The way I see it, this is the time of year when all kinds of charity and religious organizations create social events targeting singles as guests. Why? There are many reasons -- it's a natural time to celebrate since the holidays represent spiritual and altruistic themes, and people are prepared, if not in the mood, to spend money. So why not do all of these at one big event?!
So I suggest that if you are unable to spend much time during the holidays with those you love already, or would like to find one specific person to love, and not just for now but for years to come, then now is the time to "go social." Yes, I know it's cold outside and some of y'all would rather stay put, but there's only so many people you can meet in your own living room. Hmmm, unless of course, you're throwing a holiday party yourself and inviting lots of people and making sure they bring someone you haven't yet met!
Hey, what an original and creative way to "go social!" :-)
It's my blessing that these holidays bring peace and happiness to all of you, as well as to all of the people you love now, and those you will love in the future.
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*Blogging,* especially about one's romantic endeavors, got a big boost the other day when the New York Times printed the first-person account of Heather Hunter and her virtual, and then actual, romance with another blogger, the Musician. Heather blogged her romance with Musician as it was "therapeutic, relatively safe and vastly preferable to, say, slashing [his] tires." For those of you unfamiliar with the lingo, a "blog" is shorthand for "web-log," a sort of virtual diary or journal. My Focused Points Blog is not as personal as it is a place for me to post my professional musings. Anyway, while I found Heather's romantic travails interesting, and quite well-written, I myself have been engrossed in the blog of "Annabel_Lee," a young Jewish woman living in L.A. (just as another blogger whose blog I analyzed), who bemoans her single status and is actively looking to become un-single. In reading her blog, Annabel_Lee describes an active social life where she has many opportunities to meet single men -- e.g., at friends' parties, sabbath dinners and shul events. She has a profile on JDate and posts about her "JDates" on her blog. For example, she described "JDate No. 523" as someone she decided to meet in person after exchanging a few emails and phone calls to "give him a chance," even though he was not as religiously committed as she. And B#1 lived in a city far enough away that he could use the distance to collude with his committment phobia. I suspect Annabel_Lee didn't see either of these dead-ends coming. Unfortunately, Annabel_Lee is going about looking for Mr. Right without a "dating road map."
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Posted by: Janice
on Wednesday, November 17, 2004
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Over the years I've heard women complain that some men are not conscientious enough about their "grooming." I don't think that women would expect guys to get into facials and waxing and masks and such, but there are some basic things that a man can do to help his appearance -- and ultimately, his attractiveness and desirability. Since I'm not an expert on the topic, I decided to find one, which I did -- The WebGuru. The site has a lot of great information, but their "Men's
section is especially helpful. There are articles on everything from fashion advice (how to buy a suit) to etiquette (a best man's responsibilities at a wedding) to grooming tips.
And it's on grooming that I want to focus your attention! I clicked on "choosing the best beard and mustache style for your face" since it seems that many men will grow their facial hair because, like my father (when he was in his 40's and 50's--he's now 80), they're tired of shaving. But I figured that there had to be a right way to choose beard and mustache styles. And you can find it here. I suggest that men follow the advice in this really cool resource. After you've picked out the style though, don't forget the upkeep -- "the most important part of facial hair is keeping it trimmed and tidy." Yes, please! Trust me guys, it makes a BIG difference!
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In a previous blog post, I discussed the phenomenon of change. I said that the natural shifts in nature occurring in the late summer and early fall make it easier to facilitate change, if you choose to make any.
But I realized that I wasn't finished talking about the subject! Not when
there are singles like you who want to make a change in their lives and become part of a gratifying life partner relationship. What kind of changes do those singles have to make in order to reach that goal? I don't have the one answer that'll fit for everyone, but I recently gained a new perspective. Here's how it happened: I was talking with my coach the other day. "What?" you may ask. "Janice has a coach?" Of course I do! I partner with a coach in order to get the information, support, insight and guidance I need to reach my goal of building a successful coaching business. And when I say "successful," I mean to reach as many singles as possible to give them the services they need to attain the kind of relationships and lives that they want. . . . But I digress. My coach reminded me about what happens when a person isn't successful in reaching his/her goals. She said that if you keep encountering obstacles, then you will continue to get the same result unless you change your whole approach. So while I could read a book or attend a teleclass or two about coaching, I'm not going to get as much mileage out of them as I would if they were part of a larger, customized action-plan I had co-created with an experienced coach. Although this conversation pertained to changes I need to make to reach my business goals, I realized that it also applies to singles searching for a life partner relationship . . . .
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Posted by: Janice
on Monday, September 27, 2004
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