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Everything has to come together to bring Spring. First, the land thaws from the increasing warmth. Then the crocus and forsythia pop out through the mud and bloom. We then see buds, flowers and ultimately little green leaves on the trees. It really feels like a newly discovered miracle to me every year.

When I talk with singles who have found their life partners, they usually acknowledge how much of a "miracle" it was that they got together. Did you know that making matches is considered a miracle more difficult than parting the Red Sea? Yep, and many singles today would agree! But while I say that it frequently requires divine intervention to find your soulmate, singles shouldn't rely on it entirely. You need to be proactive, get everything together, and create your "dating road map" before embarking on your search.

I suggested that he read my article "Caught in a Trap" where I recommended to a man with unstable finances that he should still date with the goal of marriage, as he was ambitious and had known financial success in the past, major predictors for financial success in the future.

He wrote me back, saying that he believed the woman to have a "deep-seated insecurity that can't be dealt with by telling her what the proper values are in choosing a mate. Her father abandoned the family when she was 3 yrs old. Now that she is widow with baby, and does not want to work, her insecurity on this is even greater. . . .She has no reason to believe in my viability as a breadwinner, even though you do." They continued to see each other but ultimately broke up over this exact issue after dating for about 8 months.

Wondering what had happened, I recently received this email --"Just wanted to tell you that of course you were right about the widow I was dating so long . . . . I do have a good job now with _______. Didn't make any difference with her, it was a neurosis about money, not just her being 'practical.' (But I felt I had to play it out.)"

Here are some insights to be gleaned from this example.

Here are some examples:

a. A woman wants a husband who is religious and serious about living his spirituality, even as he pursues career success. But the woman is involved in fashion and watching a lot of t.v., higher priorities than going to Bible study.

b. A man wants a wife who is slim and fit, but he's made being fit and healthy a low priority for himself; and

c. A woman desires a husband who is family-oriented and loves children. Yet she herself has an estranged relationship with her parents and rarely visits her nieces and nephews.

In order to attract the partners each of these people want, they will have to "qualify" themselves. This is frequently a missing piece during the dating iprocess as singles don't necessarily realize that our relationships tend to mirror who we are on the inside. Regardless of what we say we want in a partner, we generally attract someone reflecting who we are and where we're at in our lives.

But I decided that this was a good opportunity to go on record about a related topic that comes up frequently in my discussions with singles -- that of personal hygiene. Men -- have you ever gone out with a woman who didn't comb her hair, wore tattered clothes or whose clothes smelled of stale perfume? And women -- have you ever gone out with a man who clearly had not showered, and his breath was terrible too? Yet even if he did shower, his clothes were sprinkled with dandruff?

When I hear singles complain about how some of their dates don't practice "good personal hygiene," I am truly appalled and upset. How can anyone think that they're going to create a new relationship if they aren't properly taking care of themselves, i.e., their personal hygiene?

So, I decided to take the opportunity to say "Yes, you can and you should judge somebody on their appearance, specifically their personal hygiene. You can reject somebody if they have poor hygiene." There, I said it.

I've often wondered why other things in life couldn't be like cooking -- just follow a recipe and the results you desire will appear!

Unfortunately, most of life is not like cooking -- there are no recipes, no formulas, no guarantees. But oh, how I wish there were! That's why, as a coach, I've worked hard to encapsulate aspects of dating and relationships into practical tools to help relationship-oriented singles create the relationships they want.

In my article, "Your Dating Road Map," I've tried to present a set of "formulas" or "recipes" designed to help singles find and attract a life partner. You'll see that creating your dating road map will require a great deal of self-awareness; implementing it will require a lot of objectivity. In truth -- you'll get the best results with your dating road map with a guide, i.e., a coach! Of course, in order to get to your ultimate destination, you have to begin at "start." So read over the "recipes" I've presented, and prepare to get into action toward attaining the relationship and life you've always wanted.

Mike, Thanks for the suggestion! It might be a little hard to write notes while in a dark theater, but I'll try to go and see it soon.

What do other people think of this movie?

I just read your article about "relationship gifts," and I noticed that you had written a section about a question that I had asked you on the night of the speech. You stated:

"It began when a woman came up to me after my "Chemistry, Love & Chocolate" workshop. She said that she had gone on a few dates with a man who now wanted to break up. He had told her this over the phone, but he happened to be at the workshop and he suggested that they go out for coffee to talk. She told me that she liked the man and was sad that he didn't want to continue, so what should she do now? she asked me.

"I remember feeling inspired and said, "Just go and focus on listening to what he says. Try not to be defensive. Every relationship is a gift, and he will give you valuable information that you can use to eventually attain the relationship you really want."

I wanted to let you know that I did take your advice and went to coffee, and I must say that you were completely right. I learned a lot about myself and I can definitely use it for next time. However, he did turn out to be a more disappointing person than I thought he was.

Thank you, D

One thing that I took special notice of while in L.A. is all that I've received from the many people in my life. So I thought that I would share what I learned about relationships on this trip that can be especially helpful for singles searching for a life partner.

It began when a woman came up to me after my "Chemistry, Love & Chocolate" workshop. She said that she had gone on a few dates with a man who now wanted to break up. He had told her this over the phone, but he happened to be at the workshop and he suggested that they go out for coffee to talk. She told me that she liked the man and was sad that he didn't want to continue, so what should she do now? she asked me.

Since I have become obsessed with chocolate and its relationship to love and romance, I remembered that I once threw a chocolate fondue party many years ago. I tried to find the recipe for chocolate fondue originally given to me by my cousin (it was one without alcohol), and eventually found it in the 1984 edition of "Maida Heatter's Book of Great Chocolate Desserts."

To serve chocolate fondue properly, you'll need a fondue pot or some other way of keeping the chocolate warm. The fondue is served with an assortment of "dunkable" foods, most commonly: fresh strawberries, orange sections, banana chunks, as well as ladyfingers, graham crackers, or chunks of angel food or pound cake. Dried fruit can be dipped into the warm chocolate too. Long-handled fondue forks or wooden skewers help prevent sticky fingers, but that can be part of the fun too!

If you want a copy of Maida Heatter's Toberone Fondue or Hershey Fondue (the latter without alcohol), then send an email to me at Info@FocusedCoachingServices.com with "fondue recipes" on the subject line.

And if you decide to make a fondue party, be sure to invite me!