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Working with you definitely helped me get to the bottom line of what I want in a relationship, which is consideration, respect & communication. You helped me choose, in a conscious way, a relationship that helps me grow. Thank you!
-- Mona[Click here to read more]
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Dear Janice, My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and living together for 3. The first two years of our relationship was great, yet I began to notice how critical and judgmental his whole family could be. I was initially very well liked by everyone, becoming especially close to one of his aunts (who is only two years older than me). However, this aunt and I had a falling out over birthday plans for a family member and, in the end, I was blamed for the whole mess. I responded by distancing myself from her which, looking back, was wrong. Now, two years later, she has spread rumors about me to the family so terrible that I am totally excluded from any family get-together, birthdays, holidays, etc. My boyfriend celebrated a birthday recently, and his mother had a get-together for the whole family. I assumed that I was excluded as I did not receive an invitation, yet my boyfriend went alone after concocting an argument with me over a trivial matter. While he acts like nothing's wrong, he later admitted that if I had attended then everyone would have left. I feel that this is a dead-end for any type of relationship for us. Any ideas? Fay Dear Fay, It appears that you already know the answer to Question #3 of "TheTop Ten Questions to Ask a Potential Life Partner" -- How important are family and children? Family life and involvement ARE important to your boyfriend and, based on the scenario you described, it appears to be a higher priority than being in a healthy relationship with you.
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I don't know what your boyfriend is thinking, but if he thinks that he can have it both ways (staying close to his family while continuing to live with you), then he's got a lot of headaches in store for him. But if he wants to resolve this conflict, and he'll have to really want to, then I suggest that he take everyone to family therapy. This will help to unravel and forgive the past, and to begin creating a healthy future together. Moreover, family therapy can help your boyfriend to develop the necessary skills to navigate his relationships with you and his family.
Otherwise, I think you said it well, "I get the feeling that this is a dead-end for any type of relationship for us." You probably already know the answer should you ask your boyfriend to state his loyalty. So I suggest that you trust your instincts and move on and free yourself from this dysfunctional family situation.
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Posted by: Janice on Friday, November 05, 2004 - 04:27 AM
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Comments
Oct 21, 2005 - 12:58 PM
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i think if you cant be involved in your boyfriends family life then its not worth it!!!!!!!!
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Oct 21, 2005 - 01:00 PM
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ok i think that maybe a long time ago u should of tried maybe a little bit harder to get the aunt to like u but now its not worth it because she has said shit about u and so just forget about the guy cuz one of the most important thing about a relationship is family
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