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My boyfriend of two years has recently moved across the country for a job. I need to decide if I should move there to be with him. The issue is this -- we have known since the beginning of our relationship that he doesn't want kids and I do, or that is, I did. Prior to meeting him, I just assumed that one day I would have kids, not necessarily because I wanted them but because that's what everyone does. The more I think about it though, the more I realize that I have a choice.
I love him very much and am having a hard time imagining life without him. While I don't want kids now (I'm 27 and he's 32) , I don't know what my desires in that area will be in the future. I would like to move to where he is, but I fear the pain and heartache will be even worse if we break up after more years together if/when I decide I want kids. Please help! Thank you! Linda Dear Linda: I want to congratulate you on wanting to address this discrepancy in your life goals with your boyfriend now, rather than pushing it under the rug and having to deal with it later. So while I do wonder why your boyfriend absolutely does not want children, I will gear my response to help you under the current circumstances of your relationship The choice to have children is a different one for women than is is for men. You said that you "assumed that one day I would have kids," and this is because women are reminded on a monthly basis just what their anatomy and physiology is designed to do -- bear children. Coupled with your experiences interacting with siblings and other children throughout your life, if they were in the least bit positive, it's not unusual that you would assume that you would do what "everyone does" and have children of your own one day.
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