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Wanting a "playmate" is another way of saying that someone only wants to date for "recreational reasons." S/he is not interested in a commitment,
and is usually in the relationship for gratification in the present. Singles who are looking for a playmate typically stay in the relationship as long as it's fun. Once it gets complicated or someone is unhappy, s/he is out the door. Wanting a "companion" is a step up from having a "playmate." These people want to have someone in their lives on a daily
basis but without the relationship necessarily heading towards a future. Many of these people have been labeled "commitment phobes," but the truth is that they are happy to be with someone for the time being and to have the security of an exclusive relationship. Many are willing to do the work that's necessary for both parties' needs to be met. Having a companion, however, no matter how gratifying and fulfilling it is for now, doesn't guarantee that there will be a relationship in the future. This is where singles who want a "life partner" relationship often
end up getting stuck: they think that by being in an exclusive relationship, by having a "companion," that the relationship is inevitably headed towards becoming a "life partner" relationship. Unfortunately, I have frequently seen this not to be the case. A life partner relationship begins by two people knowing that this is what they each want in their lives. It's like traveling -- you don't just get on any train and let it take you anywhere. It doesn't matter how comfortable you feel while in it, because you don't really know where you'll end up. Instead, you need to first pick
your destination, and then find the right train and route to get there. That is exactly why I encourage singles wanting a life partner relationship, and even marriage, to be sure that they share this goal with their dating partner as early in the relationship as possible. Here's another example:
Q. I'm in a relatively new relationship (6 weeks) with a younger man (he is 28 and I am 35). We work different hours -- he often doesn't get "home" till 1 or 2 am, and I frequently have to be up by 9 am. The problem is that when I'm awake, he's usually too tired to talk, let alone take me out, but he usually wakes up enough to be pretty active in bed. I'm beginning to feel that this is purely a lust relationship. I am sure that there is something else to it, but I need help finding a solution (hopefully before I suffer from exhaustion). Patti A. The solution starts Patti, by asking yourself: what kind of relationship do I want? Do I want a "playmate," a "companion" or a "life partner?" If you're looking for a playmate, then it looks like you got one, and your instincts that "this is purely a lust relationship" are pretty right on. If you're looking for a companion though, then you may need to work out the logistics of your relationship, e.g., determine just how much sleep is a priority in your life, and how much you would like to socialize outside of the house.
However, if you're looking for a life partner relationship, one with a future, I'm not so sure that you went about finding it with much consciousness. You are already sexually involved, and "playing house" so to speak, and that may be good for you (and possibly him) for now. But if you want a relationship with a future, you'll need to have that conversation pretty soon. If "time" is the only currency that singles have to invest in a relationship, wouldn't it make sense to know if the investment's potential pay-off is consistent with your expectations? If you discuss early on what your relationship goals are, then you'll know how much of your time (your "love currency") to invest. Or not.
The appealing thing about having a life partner relationship is that your partner can simultaneously be your playmate and companion. And that means for a lifetime. Wouldn't that be worth the investment?
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