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I think the work we did together, the encouragement, the advice and accountability you gave me has been incredible, wise & very valuable. I am going to continue using everything I learned in my future dating endeavors which will hopefully end soon when I get engaged :-) and married....
-- Jessie[Click here to read more]
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Q. A lot of the male profiles that I see on sites for singles say that
they seek female partners who are "thin." As I am a full figured woman
coming to terms with my weight, how can I find a man (online or off)
who will accept me or overlook my size and find other reasons to want
to be with me?
A. You have bravely brought up an issue that concern many, many
singles -- their "packaging." Men and women looking for a life partner will have a shopping list of what they're looking for, with "must be attractive" at the top. Unfortunately, in this day and age, "thin" is the preferred package. So while your question asks "how do I find a man who will accept me?" you brought up a more essential point when you said that you are "full-figured" and "coming to terms with my weight."
Are you saying that you are actually overweight? If you are within normal medical weight ranges for your height, while you may not be thin, you are considered healthy. But if you exceed these medical ranges, it's important to look at WHY you are overweight.
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Might it be the result of a medical problem that still hasn't been resolved? Or is it a manifestation of your desire to gratify yourself whenever you please? Have you really tried to make yourself a priority to make healthier food and activity choices? Or are you sad and unhappy and finding solace with food? Are you taking care of yourself in other ways to make yourself as attractive as possible, given your weight? Or are you neglecting yourself altogether, yet still expecting other people to accept you, as is?
While you're figuring out the answers to those questions, and implementing the solutions, I can give you a key dating suggestion: when you meet a man online, or over the phone, work on communicating with each other in order to see if you can make a meaningful connection before you meet. If you make a "spiritual" connection, one that focuses on appreciating each other's enduring qualities, there is a greater chance that each of you may overlook the personal preference for thin, a full head of hair, etc.
Please remember however, that the more you are able to accept yourself first, the more attractive you will be in the eyes of another.
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Posted by: Janice on Friday, February 13, 2004 - 07:30 PM
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