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Hi Janice, I'm so confused by the guy I'm with. He moved to my city on business 9 months ago. We had a friendly dinner and just clicked. Needless to say, his 6 month job became a 6 month renedevous for us. We never spoke of committing to each other bc we knew it was short term. Once he moved I thought the calling and contact would dwindle, but the opposite happened. He started calling more and asking me repeatedly when I was coming for a visit. So I got a ticket and visited him a few months after he left. My question is, could be possibly want a long distance relationship? He hasn't brought up exclusivity, or a commitment, and in his defense I haven't either. I think he should bring it up, but is it true that a man will never bring that kind of stuff up. He's so confusing... I know he's into me, but I'm unclear to how into me he is. When I went to see him we had an AMAZING time, he made me breakfast every day, I met a family member and some friends, we spent every day enjoying one another. I'm so confused. I suppose I could just ask, but for some reason I'm afraid to... is that weird? Kristine Dear Kristine, At this point, is honestly looks like the two of you are having a long distance relationship. The question is, is this the kind of relationship you want, regardless of geography? Because if you're afraid of talking about your feelings and your goals together, then how DO you define your relationship? No wonder you're confused! Apparently, you are following some "rules." You say, "I think he should bring it up." But if he isn't, then what do you think that's telling you? However, you say "a man will never bring that kind of stuff up," which I hear as another rule. Unfortunately, I'm not so sure I agree with either of them.
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I believe that if a man is "into" a woman, then he will pursue her. It looks like he is doing just that--he is calling you and asking to spend more time with you. But this is just on one level. He's not telling you anything that would indicate that he's into you for the long run. In essence, he's into you for a relationship in the present, but not saying or doing anything to indicate his interest in building a future with you across the miles. You smartly defend him by admitting that you yourself have not raised the subject of being in a committed, exclusive relationship. So yes, you both incur penalties! You further state that you are afraid to ask, and I wonder what, exactly, you are afraid of? Knowing what you want and asking for it are two important dating skills singles must have. This is especially true and necessary if you're looking for an exclusive, committed relationship. If you know that you want an exclusive relationship with this man, the only whay you are going to know if he shares this goal is by asking him. While I agree that it's suspicious he has not brought up the subject himself, it may be because he doesn't see himself being exclusive with someone, let alone in a relationship that is long distance. Long distance relationships are not for everyone. It takes a lot of patience and planning to stay exclusive and committed across the miles. While you were able to book yourself a ticket and go to see him, that may not be the solution to every problem. Eventually, couples who are in long distance relationships have to talk about where they ultimately want to be and how they are going to get there. Consequently, the only solution I see to your confusion is by raising the subject during your next telephone conversation. Tell him how much you enjoy being with him, how much you miss him, and that you'd like to know how he feels. Then wait and listen to what he says. If he says things like, "fun," and "we'll see," then you know he's just thinking of the present. But if he says things like, "I miss you too," and "I don't want to lose you," and "Let's see if we can work this out for the long run," then you have the beginnings of a conversation about the future. The only way you'll know is if you ask. Otherwise, you can stay in the dark and continue to be confused. Your call.
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Welcome !
