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Hi Janice! My dilemma might sound common for a young adult like me, but I still need some reassurance on this problem that I'm having.
I've known this one guy for almost a year now and I'm really attracted and interested in him. He's really my type - smart, funny,independent.
And we always have great conversations together. He never fails to make me laugh and the best thing is that we have a lot in common. With that, I've gained more interest in him everytime we talk. I met him in college and he was on a foreign exchange students program. However, he has gone back to his country now. And God I miss him terribly. I always wait anxiously online, hoping that he would come online so we could talk! Sometimes I feel that he likes me too because he is very nice, in fact, he is the sweetest man I've ever met in my life. But, maybe it was just me. I don't know. The day before he left, I thought I wanted to tell him my feelings for him but I was afraid that it would end badly and I would feel guilty for the rest of my life. Sometimes I wish I told him so that I would feel relief! We are still in contact now, thank God! He told me he would come back to my country in few years time because of work. I really hope he will. I still have feelings for him, though he is a million miles away from me. He has no idea how I feel. So the question is, should I tell him how I feel about him through online or would that be just too pathetic? Honestly, I really don't mind long distance relationship, just as long I know we are in a relationship. I really like this guy. I don't think I will meet a guy as sweet as he is anytime soon. It's been 5 months since he's gone, and I still have feelings for him. I don't know if I can ever be over him :( I miss him! Linda Dear Linda, The most significant thing I hear from your question is the regret you feel for not telling this man your feelings when he was in this country. Regretting a missed opportunity is painful because you're always wondering "what if?" But it's 5 months later and you wonder what you should do because you feel the same now as you did back then. I think that in order to answer your question about whether or not to tell him your feelings, you have to identify the result you want to attain. You mentioned that you miss him. Would sharing your feelings with him help you to be in the same country any faster? You also mention that you wouldn't mind being in a long-distance relationship "as long as I know we are in a relationship." Is that really the kind of relationship that you want -- being far away, not knowing what he's doing each and every day or when you'd see each other again? And waht if he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, even after you tell him how you feel? Then what?
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I suggest that you engage him in a conversation, either online or over the phone, about the kind of relationships that each of you want. See if you fit his description of the kind of woman he wants to be with and the kind of relationship he envisions. Determine if the two of you share the same values and goals, and if you're interested in the same things. While you see him as your "type," you don't know if you are his "type." Having these kinds of discussions will help you to gauge how strong your feelings are. You'll also learn if it's a good idea, and good timing, to share your feelings, and you'll have a pretty good idea as to how he'll respond, which lessens the risk. When singles think that they can have the relationship of their dreams merely by sharing their loving feelings to another person, they are believing in fairy tale magic. In the real world, relationships don't work that way -- it takes more investigation and communication to determine if there's a good chance something will work out, or not. So as much as you're ready to burst, I'd say to hold on and keep your feelings to yourself. . . for the time being, at least. See if he's willing to have a long-distance friendship first. Then tread carefully. Good luck!
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Posted by: Janice on Thursday, May 21, 2009 - 03:47 AM
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