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I think the work we did together, the encouragement, the advice and accountability you gave me has been incredible, wise & very valuable. I am going to continue using everything I learned in my future dating endeavors which will hopefully end soon when I get engaged :-) and married....
-- Jessie[Click here to read more]
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Hi Janice! I am in a relationship with a man who is unsure about the future of "us." We dated for a year and a half without ever talking about the future. When I finally brought it up things got rocky. We've been on-again off-again for about two years now and he still is wary of committing to me, although he loves me and thinks I am a wonderful person. He feels that something is missing and can't commit to the relationship because of it. I love him very much and would do anything for him, I want nothing more than to marry him. I know what most people would say, if he still can't commit after 2 years than forget him, but that is the one thing I am not willing to do. He's an amazing person and I think he would make a great husband. We've talked about it to no end and just don't seem to get anywhere. I think he has relationship issues, and he's been seeing a psychologist for at least 6 months now but it hasn't helped him gain any clarity on the situation. He's 41 and I'm 28 and neither of us has ever been married. Here's the real kicker - he's my boss. Is there anything you can suggest that we can do that may help him be able to move forward with the relationship? We can't "take a break" since we work together and see each other every day regardless of what is going on with us outside of work. I can't stress enough how much he means to me, I really am willing to do anything to make the relationship work (except walk away). Any advice you can offer would be greatly appreciated. Marilyn Dear Marilyn, Since you said you were willing "to do anything for him," then I suggest that you find another job. By doing so, the boss-employee relationship is factored out of your relationship equation. Getting another job will give him the message that you take your relationship with him seriously and want to give him space, at least from 9-5, to figure things out. If you were to stay in your job, then he's not really experiencing what life would be like without you.
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One reason why he may be avoiding a commitment to you is that he knows he can have you in his life from 9-5. By getting a job where you can do your work without painful distractions, you too can get perspective and determine if he's the kind of man that YOU want. Hopefully, he'll take the initiative and ask you out on dates after work and on weekends where you can talk about your lives and get to know each other on different levels. Good luck!
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Posted by: Janice on Sunday, January 28, 2007 - 11:32 PM
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