|
Dear Dr. Janice, I've been seeing this guy for just about 3 months now. He's a wonderful man - has so many qualities that I like. Our schedules are very busy, and we only see each other once a week (if that). It's not enough for me - I feel disconnected. He's so busy and stressed and he's back and forth between two cities and I don't want to add to his stress or push him away. I'm trying to put my needs on hold, but it's getting too much. I guess if I knew how he felt about me then I could deal with the schedule, but he doesn't reassure me, he doesn't tell me that I have any importance in his life. When we're together I feel it, but I need to hear it. I think we could have potential for a long-term relationship, if he's an active partner - but now, I feel alone. How do I begin to communicate this with him? Raquel Dear Raquel, I sense that you understand how difficult it can be to maintain and grow a relationship when you are separated by geography. The man you're dating is making the effort to travel to see you, and you seem to understand the sacrifice he's making to be together, but apparently it's not enough for you. I think this comes down to determining if your relationship needs and requirements can realistically be met by dating someone "geographically undesirable." I've written many posts on this topic in my Get Your Love Right! blog. You say, "I don't want to add to his stress or push him away. I'm trying to put my needs on hold, but it's getting too much." This statement implies that you are sacrificing your needs in order to be with him, but what he gives you isn't enough, because of the distance. What do you imagine would happen if you "push him" to see you more? Would he be actually able to do this? And, what difference would it make to you if he were to reassure you, and tell you that you were important to him? Would that really be okay with you, even if the frequency of his visits stayed the same? The bottom line, as I see it, is that long-distance relationships aren't for everyone.
|
Welcome !
