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In March, I told you the *Get a Relationship Challenge* sponsored by The Star newspaper in Toronto. Twenty singles of various ages are receiving lots of advice, free services and support so that they can actually succeed in getting a meaningful relationship. After the launch in March, the participants chose from a menu of options to pursue to begin their searches. While the participants were encouraged and directed to socialize and meet other singles, whether at dances, sporting and adventure activities, speeddating or cooking classes, this time, however, they are getting guidance and support from personal coaches. A profile of their experiences gaining strength and insight for their searches can be found at Focus on Inner Self. A few of the participants met with matchmakers, both online and in person, with resources in particular "niches." For example, Christina, signed up with an online dating service connecting Italian singles. Another participant, Tod, age 43, who felt at a disadvantage in the dating market because he "doesn't look like George Clooney," wanted a matchmaker to suggest personal introductions.
A month into the challenge, they were all learning or re-learning various dating skills, such as how to work online dating, ask a man to dance, ask a woman for her phone number, etc., but with a special emphasis on
gathering the right information to determine if someone is a good candidate for Mr. or Ms. Right; and if not, then knowing how to move on. A Month of Fun Days Wraps Up reviews their experiences. One common theme that seems to have appeared amongst the participants is the need to take things slowly. Many had complained that in the past, they let chemistry dictate the development of their relationships.
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The participants were taught the Ten Principles of Conscious Dating as delineated by the Relationship Coaching Institute (of which I am a member, along with the participants' coach). The focus is on determing if your dating partner meets your needs and requirements, rather than give you tingles and sparks. As one 33-year-old participant said, "I don't want romantic overtones before communication has been established." On a negative note however, I am a little concered with the amount of probing into the pasts and histories of the participants. There is a blog with contributions from a few of the participants, the coaches and the moderator/writer of the series, where they have reported on their dating experiences in more depth. The blog frequently takes on the appearance of a group therapy session, where the bloggers investigate their pasts with a depth I believe should be done in the presence of a qualified psychotherapist. While this may feel okay for the participants and their coaches, it unfortunately blurs the line between coaching and psychotherapy for the readers. I hope to find an opportunity to make a few comments on the blog about this appearance, and see what develops. Overall, after two months of the three month challenge, I see a great deal of movement from the participants toward their goal of "getting" a relationship. Because their journeys are being published in the newspaper on a bi-monthly basis, some readers have even written in with suggestions for fix-ups! One man dropped out because he realized he was too busy single-parenting his young children and working on his career, but others gained the confidence to know that they can be the "chooser" in relationships and not have to "settle" for whoever likes them first. And for those two lessons alone, I'm looking forward to seeing the ultimate results!
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