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Since I always advocate honesty, I say – tell the women that you’re considering dating the truth, and do so in the beginning. I’d make the same recommendation to women who are separated as well. I know that there’s an alternative opinion suggesting that you establish a relationship first to see where it’s going before saying anything. But that’s not my philosophy, nor my advice.
Q. I am a 52 year old single man with a teenage son. What age women do you think I should date?
A. Men who are over 50 have the choice to father more children, while women over 50 really don’t have that option. I know of men over 50 who request to be introduced to women in their 30’s because they’re interested in bringing new life into the world. I say, if that describes how you feel, then you are entitled to date women in their 30’s who, obviously, must share that life goal, and find you attractive as a partner.
If you are not interested in fathering more children, then you should be open to dating women in their 40’s and 50’s. These women may be engaged in single-parenting their older children, or have grown, independent children. Some women in this age range have had successful careers and may be ready to slow down, or perhaps even retire. Any of these women can make wonderful life and love partners for a man your age.
Q. I met a man with whom I had instant chemistry and at my age that is great! On our first date he told me he only dates women who pay their own way because he watches expenses. He said that a man paying for a date today is old-fashioned. Is this true? I don’t mind sharing expenses and offering home-cooked meals occasionally. I am new to the dating scene and need to learn about dating in the 21st century.
A. First off, this man that you met has some good qualities. Mainly, he has the enduring quality of honesty, which makes him much better than the guy who will “forget”his wallet at home. Additionally, he is giving you an opportunity to discuss this situation with him.
I suggest that you share with him what you told me: that you don’t mind sharing expenses and offering home cooked meals occasionally. You can then hear how he responds and observe his behaviors. This is an opportunity to communicate with someone about a real issue, and that is an important component of a relationship.
On the other hand, this man is giving you some information about himself that you’ll need to investigate further – to see if he has the enduring quality of generosity. I’d want to know, for example, if he gives charity. Also, does he have children that he has to pay school tuition for, or even child support? It’s important to know if he makes these payments willingly and without complaining.
Truthfully, saying that we are in “...a modern society and the man paying...is outdated” sounds like a rationalization of his feelings. So it is incumbent on you to investigate these feelings further within your relationship. It may simply be that he doesn’t know you well enough yet, and so he feels uncomfortable paying for everything. I suggest however, that you don’t get caught up in arguments about the relevancy of social conventions, because that just perpetuates the intellectualization of his feelings, rather than getting to his real concerns.
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Welcome !
